I used to think that when you love someone you stand by them no matter what. That you endure the worst treatment they can dish out. That you endure lies, selfishness, hypocrisy, lacking integrity and decaying values.
With intimate relationships, I used to think love meant enduring even worse…. enduring cheating, shaming, criticizing, embarrassment, isolation, intimidation, psychological & financial manipulation, etc. It never happens overnight. The people we care for slowly reveal themselves or slowly evolve on paths so far out of alignment with our own that we are equally slow to respond. Often by the time we recognize the relationship for what it truly is, we are fully lost in our own right (often adding our own dysfunction and crumbling character to the situation).
That was the case in my last intimate relationship (over two years ago) but I’ve come to realize it’s also the case in one of my dearest friendships. In this case I’m not lost, far from it. In fact, thanks to the traumatic end to that last relationship and the intense personal growth that perpetually ensued, I’m no longer able to get “lost” enough to enable any situation to exist (or continue for long) that doesn’t align with my values.
The sad part is that the growth, that comes with facing and saying goodbye to our own failings, often means saying goodbye to the people who are no longer in alignment with our evolving (hopefully for the better) character. For me this reality has empowered me to finally bow out of one my dearest Colorado friendships (a friend who was the inspiration for my last post “Solstice Bullshit“). It’s a goodbye bound with a true sadness, but also a true happiness as it deeply realigns me with my own values, self respect and personal integrity.
Who, is it time for you to say goodbye to?
Posted via Christopher Spiewak’s Wordpress Blog