“Idiot Compassion’ is a great expression, which was actually coined by Trungpa Rinpoche. It refers to something we all do a lot of and call it ‘compassion.’ In some ways, it’s what’s called enabling. It’s the general tendency to give people what they want because you can’t bear to see them suffering. Basically, you’re not giving them what they need. You’re trying to get away from your feeling of I can’t bear to see them suffering. In other words, you’re doing it for yourself. You’re not really doing it for them.” ~ Pema Chodron
A bit from me…. Christopher Spiewak 28 October 2010
A year ago tonight was a different time. A different place. A different life. A different me. It hurt to breathe. I was twisted up beyond description, suffering through a relationship that lingered on long after it should have. I was too lost to say no (and stick to it). It seemed impossible at the time. The love was so capricious and misleading that even the sweetest moments were still rooted in sadness. I didn’t know what to believe. It simply worn me bare. Too many months of it. I wanted to end. A few months later I nearly did.
Smiling, endlessly. I never want the days to end! Even as in this moment when I’m exhausted beyond comprehension I still don’t want the day to stop! I want to do more, be more, learn more, give more, grow more, create more, everything more. And my days are already so full, so good! I am blessed with amazing work, community, friendships, health and so much amazing awesomeness I can’t even put it into words!! I’m the busiest, most productive, creative, and independently happy I have ever been! And I’ve barely even scratched the surface of what’s possible.
This last “Trip Around The Sun” has condensed more life and growth and lessons into its 365 days than the previous decade combined! Truly I am beyond blessed, beyond grateful, and infinitely thankful to be able to say to myself, at least one more time…. “Happy Birthday Chris.”
“Put a baby in a crib with an apple and a rabbit. If it eats the rabbit and plays with the apple, I’ll buy you a new car.” – Harvey Diamond
The beauty of unwelcome experiences is they have SOOOO much to teach us! A few lessons brought to life for me this week include…..
1> Don’t mix friends & business.
2> Slow to hire quick to fire!
3> Miscommunication is inevitable without written agreements.
4> Trust your gut and don’t rationalize or minimize another persons inappropriate behavior!
5> Never hesitate to speak the truth and/or to call someone out on their bullshit.… just don’t do it in an email when you’re pissed off.
6> No matter how low they go, don’t respond in kind… Hold the high ground and keep true to your own character & integrity! Believe me it feels so much better to know you did everything in your power to create a positive empowering outcome despite how reprehensible or irrational they may be acting!
Bonus Lesson of the week….
7> You never know when some drunk distracted texting rolling death machine (or sweet girl just not paying attention) is gonna take a last second left in front of you so WEAR YOUR SEATBELT it will save your freakin life!
Don’t whisper your dreams, voice them loud, inspired, AT THE TOP OF YOUR LUNGS! Paint them on your walls! Post them on your blogs! Tell the whole world what you are planning, hoping, dreaming then LIVE what you love!! LIVE what you ARE! What inspires you, moves you, fills you with hope?! What do you dream of, believe in or aspire to be!?! WHAT do you want to become?!! WHO do you want to become? What do you see, imagine, or hope for so deeply that it brings tears of inspiration to your eyes?!? Have you tried and failed? AWESOME ME TOO! Have you loved and lost?!? AWESOME ME TOO! Have you not lived up to the person within or made the same mistakes again and again?!? Are you beaten, broken, weary or worn starting from scratch with nothing and no one?! Did you lose your way? Did you lose yourself? Did you lose your friends, your strength, your worth, your courage, your everything but that one, tiny, broken scrap of passionate heart that somehow still unstoppably, unshakably believes… in YOU?! That scrap of heart that just never gives in?!? That scrap that screams… “SOMEHOW, SOMEDAY, SOMEWHERE, SOMEWAY I WILL!” Then I say it again… Don’t whisper your dreams, voice them loud inspired at the top of your lungs! NEVER GIVE IN! NEVER GIVE UP! Change, learn, grow, transform, do whatever it takes for as long as it takes!! Lose the stories, the excuses, the distractions the habits the everything and anything that doesn’t fill your life with PURPOSE and PASSION and GRATITUDE. AND DO IT NOW. TODAY. Do NOT settle for the version of yourself (or the version of anyone else) you do not want in your life for another breath! REMOVE the poisons from your life, whatever they may be… jobs, friends, foods, lovers, habits, colleagues, vices, plans, expectations, whatever you KNOW in your heart no longer (or ever) served you. God I’m rambling. Sorry, all I meant to ask was… “WHAT INSPIRES YOU!? and this is what it turned into. Me rambling. ME hoping. Me dreaming. Me knowing all the ways I’ve fallen and fumbled and wasted and wandered lost in my own life. But THis is me. I’m not perfect, not gifted, not so many things. I’m no example to follow, no expert to learn from. I’ve made so many mistakes and got it all wrong so many times that I’m thankful just for the chance to get up and try again. But if there’s anything I’ve learned it’s that my mistakes are my greatest teacher and that my heart, that passionate loving inexorably abundant part of me that never shuts up or gives up (even when I want it to) is my biggest inspiration!! So whatever your dreams, hopes, desires or inspirations, all I gotta say is… ROCK ON!!