It seems everyone is trying to fix me up with someone lately.

It’s a good feeling to have so many friends wanting to connect me with the ones they care for, so I’m ALWAYS appreciative of the intention but somehow still, it just feels unnatural to me. Not that I’m truly opposed to the idea or couldn’t imagine it possible to meet someone amazing through a friend’s cupid efforts, it’s just that I’ve always felt, with love, you just sorta let it happen.

I suppose too the fact I’ve spent most of 2010 healing from the hurt, betrayal & loss of my last partner/fiancée (and her son) has also made me very quick to shy away from anyone new. But this has also been an amazing year in the most unexpected of ways so I don’t want to underestimate the exponential power of intention!

So on that note I’ve decided to share something (very personal) that I created 6-7 years ago. It was a list I made when I first moved to Boulder that summarized some of the qualities I hoped for in a partner. Not surprisingly the few times I’ve shared this with people (or partners) it was quickly ridiculed and criticized. Either they became defensive about what they were or weren’t on the list, or they stated (what seemed obvious to me when I was creating it) that “no one could be all that” or that “people aren’t lists!”

OF COURSE no one’s a list. And no one’s “Perfect” and just like any effort to play cupid, the list is equally ineffective at predicting who I’m gonna fall for. I’ve realized since I created it, that I can fall head over heals for someone that is essentially nothing good on the list as easily as I can find entirely zero interest in someone that is everything amazing! REAL love, desire or attraction is simply too unexplainable to attempt to make any sense of it.

But the whole point in creating it wasn’t to hold anyone up to some point by point checklist but to have more clarity in my own heart about what would be “ideal” in a partner. Of course there’s no perfect person, we all have flaws, shortcomings, vulnerabilities, insecurities, and many qualities that are far from “ideal” but the more we become aware of what we hope to find in others, the more we can strive to become more of those qualities ourselves.  Sure I don’t wish to be with someone that doesn’t embody honesty, kindness, gratitude, sincerity, etc but at the end of the day, I just hope to be with someone that is more light than dark.

Anyhow, I’m still astonished that I’m actually publishing this, especially considering the way it was received in the past but I’m also realizing that there’s simply no sense in keeping what is, at heart, a good intention from the world. There really isn’t any particular order to the items but they all somehow add up to some spot in my heart/soul that fits.

P.S. I highly recommend going through this process yourself, but once you have, don’t be the fool that I was by ignoring the values & qualities that are most important to you!

Christopher Spiewak Ideal Mate

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